Hellboy's Issues
by Andi-1990
Summary: Hellboy's having a problem and he needs John's help... But what kind of help exactly? Read and find out! Future chapters will be better! JM X HB
1. Chapter 1

_Alrighty folks! Andi has come up with a very… interesting story line hee hee…. She is sooo mean and evil to Red in this one!_

Dana! I am not!... A little humiliation keeps you humble… And he deserves it in this one to look a little foolish!

_Well, forgive us to our male readers! But if you just really examine it it's hilarious!_

* * *

John sat and watched as the children played on the frozen pond in Central Park, and the couples that skated around holding hands and laughing with each other and sighed sadly. Ever since the whole thing with Rasputin, he had avoided Hellboy, assuming he would want his space and his time with Liz. What never showed though was how much keeping all of his time with HB impersonal was killing him. He shook his head, shocked a bit by his emotional flux, and stood to head back to base. With it being almost four in the afternoon HB was sure to be getting hungry again. He walked over to his bike, put on his helmet, and took off back towards the BPRD.

~HQ: HB POV~

Where was he? It was almost time for my lunch, and Scout usually was early so we could talk for a bit before he bolted like a scared rabbit.

And boy, did I need to talk.

I was having issues with Liz (yes AGAIN), but not the usual her yelling at me for doing something stupid…oh no, nothing the simple…

I couldn't keep it up.

No, no not the relationship…

Yes, the other up… My dick won't stay hard enough to do anything with!

I know, I know… it's natural, it could be stress… but this shouldn't be happening though! I'm not even a hundred yet! Hell, not even eighty! This isn't suppose to happen to a young demon! I heard the door start to unlock and rushed over, yanked it open, and pulled the cart and Scout inside before slamming the door shut and locking it.

"Well, hello to you too HB." John said, surprise lacing his voice. I looked at him and nudged him over it my bed.

"Scout, I need help." I said, knowing I sounded pathetic. He nodded and sat down before motioning for me to talk. I sat beside him and held my head in my hands, my tail swishing lightly. Luckily I was red, cuz the thought of talking about this with Scout was making me blush. "I…well, erm… I'm having a problem…"

"Ok…and that is?" He asked patiently.

"I… I can't keep it up around Liz." I said in a slightly whiny voice.

Silence…

… And more silence…

… … _Laughing?!_

"This ain't funny Scout!" I growled at him. I looked over at him and was both shocked and dismayed to see that he was, literally, crying from laughing so hard, doubled over, holding his sides, _laughing _at my problem! He didn't look like he'd be stopping anytime soon, so I growled louder, turned, and tossed him on his back and pinned him to my bed. I got a breath away from his face and snarled. "It _ain't funny." _I was kind of shocked again when he immediately stopped laughing, his eyes went wide, and he sucked in his breath. I smiled smugly. "That's better."

"Uh… HB?"

"Yeah Scout?" I asked and tilted my head.

"Umm… I don't think you have a problem down there anymore…"

"Huh?" I raised an eye ridge and stood before looking down to see that I was, indeed, back to my normal self. My eyes went wide and I closed my eyes and thought of Liz naked…and it went down. I thought of Myers naked and I thought I was gonna be tripped or thrown on the ground on my back with how fast it went back up. I did this a few more times and had the same result…

Well hell!

* * *

_Short, only the first chapter though…. Bwuahahaha! I have NO idea how she came up with this one!_

One o'clock in the morning, ice cream, and a book on the anatomy of the human body hee hee .

_Wow… I now love anatomy for this!_

_Love,_

_Dana & _Andi

_P.S. Review!!!!!!_


	2. Questions and Temper tantrums

_Ok, so thanks to the supportive reviewer comments, minus the one from 'Baby!' that shall not be named as I have a temperamental artist sitting next to me, Andi has calmed enough that she can write actual chapters again! I know many of you are happy to see the updates finally, and we'll try to not take as long with the next ones! Hopefully this will be up to every ones expectations of this story!_

Please let us know! Thank you so much for your patients!

* * *

This was… odd, to say the least. I mean, really, what the hell? Did his dick decide it needed some exercise or something? Up, down, up, down… I was waiting for it to go left and right next! Then again, the up and down _did_ have some potential…

_No! Bad John, BAD! _I thought to myself and shook my head, sighing and gently pushing at his shoulders. He didn't budge. "Uh, if you're done HB I really need to go and-"

"No." Was the growled response I got and I blinked in surprise and tried to suppress a shiver that wanted to run through my body at that oh so sexy baritone weaving it's was through me.

"Ok, seriously Red, get off. Abe'll need me to turn his pages by now and we have a chess game to play, plus what about when Liz walks in on this? It's not gonna be pretty!"

"Shut it Myers." He growled in an even deeper voice, forcing a shiver from me. Then he leaned down and started nipping at my neck and I couldn't help the moan that was whispered as I felt those blunt and sharp teeth rake over my flesh in short little bursts.

He started purring!

I started pushing harder, only this time on his chest. "Hellboy, stop it!" I protested weakly. He pulled back and looked into my eyes, causing mine to widen. He had almost no pupil, the glowing yellow of his eyes seeming to cover the black. "Red," I said, being completely sure to not even so much as twitch. "let me go get Liz. I think you need her he-"

His roar cut me off. He bound off me and began to pace about three feet away from his bed, his eyes never leaving my face and his tail twitching in agitation.

"Don't want _her._" He growled at me, his eyes flashing dangerously. I slowly started to sit up in the bed and let my feet dangle over the edge to only barely touch the floor when he suddenly stalked up and stood in front of me, making me be eye level with his crotch. "No move!"

_Ugh, ugh._ I added mentally. "Hellboy, I just need to go and tell Abe that I'm not gonna be able to play chess today." I said calmly. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Scout's honor." I said with a small smile over our inside joke. He smirked a bit and nodded, leaning down to my ear.

"Back soon. I look if not." He growled warningly before softly biting my ear and making me shudder. I bolted to the steel door and ran out.

I _had_ to talk to Blue!

* * *

"And you say he refused to let you leave?"

"Yeah, and he got pissed when I mentioned that I should go get Liz…" I shook my head in confusion and looked at him pleadingly. "What the heck is wrong with him Abe?"

"Well John, and I'll need to do some research before I can be one hundred percent sure on this one, but it appears his demon has decided it wants you as its mate. Mention of another will cause him to get extremely agitated. You must proceed with caution John… you can't be sure about his temper when like this."

"Abe… I'm not sure I can go through with this! I mean, HB's in love with her, not me! What happens in this whole thing? Once his demon's over me he'll go back to Liz?"

"My dear John, when a demon claims a mate it is for life, not until something else comes along. If he chose you, then that's it. There are no 'take backs' as you call them."

"Abe, he's gonna shoot me for this!" I whimpered. I cover my face and took a deep breath. "This is why I tried to keep myself away from him. I didn't want to wreck anything with him and Liz!"

"To me, it sounds like there were already problems. His demon already started to see you as a mate before he actually came out and did anything. I'm going to assume it's because he was giving his more social side time to accept it and when he didn't the demon took matters into his own hands."

"I know Abe… but I can't help but think this is my fault and I have a feeling Hellboy will too…"

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge him about his feelings John. You never know what he was thinking about before this all happened."

* * *

_**Where is he? I told him be back soon and he's not here!**_

_Chill out. You probably freaked him out._

_**Why? He's mine! He should know and he would if you weren't such a damn pussy and told him instead of pretending that you had a 'thing' as you call it for the human Liz. As though I would ever let myself go through mating her!**_

_Hey, take it easy on me you damn bastard! I didn't even know I thought of Scout that way until you started this whole mate bit! I'm too young for this!_

_**Cease your whining! As if it wasn't bad enough that you made me talk like a Neanderthal, now I'm forced to listen to your incessant babbling about your age! You were old enough to have a mate way before now and the fact that you refused caused me to take action!**_

_Bullshit! You've wanted John since he walked in with the damn candy bar!_

_**Point? He was meant to be ours and that is how it shall remain.**_

_Then maybe you should go and find him so we can get on with it and you can finally stop pacing my floor!_

"Hey Hellboy." Came a low, seductive voice from my doorway. I looked over, praying it wasn't, and stopped when I saw Liz standing there holding a short trench coat over her shoulder, wearing a shear night gown. She walked in, shutting the door behind her, and came over to me and gave me a kiss on the neck. "Did your talk with John help you with your problem?"

_More then you know…_

_**Trollope! **_

"Uh, yeah… But look, right now ain't exactly a great time for that…" I said, scootching back from her. No telling what the demon would do if she kept doing that. "I still have ta fix a few things with him first…"

_**First and foremost being his lack of a mark and second being the fact that we have been wasting a valuable hour that could have been done fucking that delicious ass of his with waiting for him!**_

_Chill!_

"Well it looks like you're ready to me." She said in a whispered voice as she grabbed my erection.

_Shit!_

"Look Liz, I'm not really in the mood ok?" I told her, my eyes swinging to the doorway as I waited for the door to open.

"Well fine then!" She said in a huff. "Never mind that I've been waiting for you to talk to John about this for the past week! Never mind that I haven't had any sort of release for seven days! Never mind that I've been waiting since Russia for you to make me your mate!" She started shouting. "But if your aren't in the _God damned mood_ then please, don't let me try and get in your face about it!" She screamed and stalked out, trying to slam the door on her way out.

It barely moved an inch.

"Fucking door!" She screamed and continued down the hallway. I kind of wondered when she was gonna realize that she didn't have that coat on.

_**Enough of thinking about her. We must go and find John now!**_

_Yeah yeah alright!_

I really hope John's ready for this….

* * *

_Ok, so this is sort but it's up! It may not be as funny as the first chapter, but personally I think Lizzy throwing a bitch fit about not having sex is pretty funny…. Oh oh oh! Pre-warning! Next chapter has sex scenes!_

Way to spoil it Dana. Meh, I'm sure they probably figured it out. Anyway, please let us know what you think!

Love,

_Dana & _Andi


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